Every person inherently desires to be emotionally and physically attached to another person as there is a notion that life is better shared with a significant other than spent alone. With this mind, people all around the world have forgotten that relationships as part of human activity are fraught with challenges and difficulties due to their complex nature of demanding effort to achieve sustainability because people, in their differences exhibit imperfection. Hence, the most common adage amongst women today “set a man free to do whatever he wants as long as he comes back to you”.
Unfortunately, this is a misconception and a totally foolish way to accept a toxic relationship by embracing one’s imperfections and merits as the same time and not giving them an insignia that they need change.
It is not a surprise that most young women reason in this manner; culturally, most African female children in most homes are groomed to be housewives, submissive, respectful and tolerant to their would-be husbands and they grow up exhibiting such behavior before marriage with boyfriends or lover till marriage. Truthfully, there is a difference between sustaining a healthy relationship and feeding a toxic one and most women across the world are engaged in the act of feeding toxic relationships till they are merely nothing but a war room. Women are mostly victims of such acts; they are so determined to sustain relations with their partners regardless of odds of physical, emotional and psychological abuse. Cases of domestic abuse are often swept under the carpet because of a woman’s silence and made to believe that they deserve to be abused as a form of punitive measure for a rebellious partner. This is not an act of reverence- it only degrades one as a human being and a woman.
Consequently, women are not always the victims in toxic relations; sometimes they are the culprits; constant nagging, lack of trust, stalking and possessiveness also exist in women due to insecurity and this is why some women out there have lost good men. Relational behaviour has been revolutionized by self-centeredness, dominance and control in both men and women in that while some women nag, stalk, demand, interrogate and sneak around suspiciously seeking for clue to lay a charge on their partners, men are also busy feeding Patriarchy by seeking for both physical and emotional control and dominance on the women. no one notices the damages caused till the war room explodes with either man or woman being charged with cold blood murder.
“Tempers are brewing; broken glass everywhere, the plague of silence hovers; love grows cold and flys out the window. If only one could perceive the venom of anger that lies beneath the veins then he or she would understand that burning one’s self while taking shelter in a toxic relationship to keep someone else warm is never the solution to sustain a relations”.Muzhinga Kankinda
“A healthy relationship doesn’t drag you down. It inspires you to be better”Anonymous