Bullying; the kill me slowly phenomenon.

Bullying is one of the most common expressions of violence among peers in each and every school globally. The act of bullying another is generally defined as premeditated and intentional aggressive acts carried out by a group or an individual repeatedly and over time against a victim who cannot easily defend him or herself.

There are three elements that are of relevance to the process of identifying aggressive behaviour as bullying namely,  repetition of harm towards another, deliberate act to cause harm and an imbalance of power between the perpetrator and the victim whereas the victim is always in the weaker position. As such, bullying is often described as the systematic abuse of power by peers and it is recognised globally as a complex and serious problem for victims especially. 

However, I call it ” the kill me slow” phenomenon because it is an act marked by the steady inward assassination of one’s body, soul and mind.  

Why do I say so? Bullying comes in various forms but, it all leads to one end result- death; death of willpower, death of self-love, death of self esteem and confidence, death of self-worthy and to some extent death of the body as recent research records have shown that many children around the globe commit suicide due to being victims of bullying.

Having being a victim of bullying in my eighth and ninth grades, I know these feelings quite well; the feeling of restlessness, self-doubt, self-pity and unworthiness, the desire of always wanting to be approved and accepted, lack of self acceptance, lack of confidence,  inability to love oneself despite having exceptional qualities. My life was upside down with nothing to hang into but, a thread. 

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I was at an all girls school and I remember being bullied by this older girl in my class for my physical appearance and partial sight disability. I remember she was pretty and popular, knew how to dance and sing and was always participating in talent events in schools and on the other hand; I was this nerd, not good looking, unpopular girl who needed validation from others in order to feel good about herself. This girl left no stone unturned hailing hurtful words on me and it reached to a point where she began to vilify me and sabotage my academic efforts. I remember crying to myself as I looked around me and thought of why was so different that it led to me being bullied al the time. The girl was outspoken that she would get away with the wrongs she did and pin it down on me to the point where everyone would side with her but, I never reported these incidents either to the school administration or my family. However, I kept dying slowly inwardly, developing unusual behavioral traits such as the desire for solitude and withdrawal from the entire world especially people of my age. 

Bullying is definitely a slow killer because it tools with people’s mental and emotional faculties, rendering victims unable to reason and out out of it. It makes you believe that it is your fault that you being treated that way and most of all, you begin to believe that you are what the bully says you are and this leads to hate of others and yourself and it takes people with strong will power to overcome the effects of bullying.  I did manage to overcome the whole ordeal but, it took years. Truth is, I am not the only one who has been faced with such a problem as thousands of children face problems in their schools due to bullying and sadly no one does anything about it.

Whether parents, teachers, classmates, friends or family members, it is our duty to work together to ensure that our children are safe from their peers. We know such things are happening in our societies but we do not give them the utmost priority they deserve. Do not expect victims to talk about such issues freely because it is highly traumatizing for them and others think that they can handle the problem on their own but, the more the silenve, the more the bullying increases and it get worse. 

I’m going to share some ways in which I managed to over come the effects of bullying.

• Use of daily affirmations.

I tell myself that I’m not anything that my bully said I am. I began telling myself that I’m worthy it, beautiful, intelligent and highly capable.

• Developing your skills and talents.

I worked on my writing, singing, drawing and designing skills. I even joined the debate club and girls’ leadership club in view of putting my public and leadership abilities to use. 

• Let go of the pain and hurt.

I realised that letting my past heartache haunt me in the present was dangerous and so I had to forgive and let go of the hurt. It was quite difficult making peace myself but I managed to do it. However, fragments of those days still linger on and this is when I make use of my affirmations, taking time to assure myself that I can get past is all.

• Advocate for an anti- school bullying society 

Speaking for others facing the same problem makes me feel better. I never had a voice for myself but, I can help by being the voice for victims of bullying. 

Bullying is real and highly prevalent and it is up to each one of us to break the cycle because not everyone is mentally strong enought to overcome the ordeal, revive their crushed soul and rise up like the morning son. Let’s save our children from depression, low confidence, a life of lowered potential and death but suicide.

Stand with me and say no to bullying of all forms!!