How to Divorce

By Munandalu Monze

Divorce is becoming more widespread in today’s society. As of May 2022, the divorce rate around the world is 4.08 per 1,000 married persons. Let’s say out of a 1,000 married persons, 245 of them will divorce (something that the older generation claims not to have happened in their time). Another concern is that divorce has been recorded to be a major source of stress in one’s life and has affected many people’s mental and physical health, including distortion of family units that lead to troubled teens and society at large. Thus divorce is something we need to address.

From the title, it might seem that I am encouraging you to divorce. Far from it, this article is intended to enlighten you on the conditions that lead to divorce and how to avoid them so that you can live a happy and affair proof marriage/relationship. If you are at the verge of divorce, this might just help save your relationship.

For a marriage/relationship to be saved, the feeling of love must be restored and maintained. The question that pops up now is, What is it that a husband or wife needs from each other to trigger the feeling of love!? When people first get married or begin a relationship, they usually assume that their partner will meet their most important emotional needs yet for some reasons many partners become dissatisfied to the point of seeking someone else to meet those needs. This is the gateway to divorce and extra affairs. When partners meet each other’s most important needs, they create and sustain the feeling of love that is essential for a lasting relationship. Once this feeling goes, resentment towards your partner brews and it will lead to one partner or both seeking others to satisfy their most important emotional needs.

There are many emotional needs that we want to be met which we can not cover here thus I will share a list of the most important needs as listed by Willard F. Harley (2011) in his book His-Needs-Her-Needs. Harley has listed ten basic emotional needs and they include;

  • Admiration
  • Affection
  • Conversation
  • Domestic support
  • Family commitment
  • Financial support
  • Honesty and Openness
  • Physical attractiveness
  • Recreational companionship, and
  • Sexual fulfillment

Even though the most important emotional needs have been listed, it is important to note that every person and couple is unique and a particular person will have their own combination in terms of which emotional need ranks first to the most list. I therefore encourage couples to list their most important needs and share with each other those needs and how they can be met. Furthermore, I must state that meeting your partner’s needs is not enough. It is important to avoid habits that will destroy romantic love such as anger.

“Romantic love is a litmus test that reveals the right way for couples to demonstrate their caring love for each” says Harley, and I add to say it is the most effective way to save failing relationships and the major way to sustain a somewhat perfect relationship.

If you are on the verge of divorce, I would like you to try it one more time by restoring the feeling of love.

The writer of this segment is a holder of a degree in Psychology, a Senior officer and a certified Counselor.


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